Over a hundred years ago, Sigmund Freud declared some really crazy, and downright wrong things about female sexuality. Among these little tidbits, Freud decided that an orgasm by way of the clitoris is “immature” or “adolescent,” and an orgasm by vaginal stimulation from her husband is the “mature” way to have an orgasm. To this day, many men describe women as “frigid” because they don’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. This has led to women feeling ashamed and their partners feeling angry and frustrated.
Here’s a fun fact: Freud was dead wrong.
The truth is that only around 30% of women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. That leaves 70% to be “frigid.” In other words, although both ways to the big O are normal, it is more common to not be able to orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone.
My early days with Husband were incredibly frustrating in this area. I wanted to O through what I believed was the “normal” way, i.e. without any clitoral stimulation. I tried, he tried, we tried. Frustrations and anxiety flared. I was still living in the realm of “All women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation.” Did that mean something was wrong with me? Was I broken? Was Husband angry with me that I couldn’t do this very normal thing? Would he hate me for it?
After a few years, I ran across the actual numbers, and they showed that there was nothing wrong with me. I was perfectly normal. Excited, I showed the statistics to Husband, who also came around to the realization that it had nothing to do with me, or him, or us.
So if it is now proven that not having a vaginal orgasm is normal, and also having a vaginal orgasm is normal, why does the myth perpetuate? Well, one reason could be the prevalence of and easy access to porn, which some people seem to view as a source of information. But that alone wouldn’t do it. It’s that PLUS the lack of education about the way a female body works.
Think back to your sex ed days. Do you remember what you learned? Here’s how my class can be summed up:
- Here’s a cutaway diagram of a male and female and what the reproductive parts are for
- A baby is made when sperm comes in contact with the egg and grows in the uterus
- Here’s how to put a condom on a banana
- These are the horrible things that can, and likely will, happen to you if you have sex
Notice the glaring lack of the words “orgasm” and “clitoris.” They’re not necessary for procreation. They don’t get sick. They don’t need to be treated. They are simply words that have to do with pleasure, and that has no place in education, apparently. So where are young people getting the information? From erotica and each other, both generally reeeeally wrong.
I really hope some day the education will be better. I fully believe it will lead to less frustration from husbands and shame from their wives.
Source: I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller